Friday, June 11, 2010

i am a voyeur

[wordy rambling post.. in a stream of consciousness manner... so don't expect it to make sense.. no pics sorry]

Do you know that song "Stripper" by Soho Dolls? There's a line.. "I am a voyeur" at 2:48. Anyways, that's the line that plays through my head as I write this...

One of the aspects of blogging that I like so much is the voyeuristic one... not as in peeping tom you silly goose, but as in I get to peek into your lives, if you'll let me. There are some blogs I follow that share nothing personal. Like the lookbook blogs. But then there are some, where I get a glimpse of who you are. And I like that. I tend to share quite a bit about myself. There's a bit of narcissism involved.. b/c sometimes you want people to want to know about you... but it's also an outlet... if something is bothering you, it's nice to have a space to vent.. and to get feedback from strangers. People tend to censor themselves less on the interwebz.. so you can almost trust their reactions better than your friends.

I tend to overanalyze people's actions and their words... when people say things that are meant to shock or impress, I can't help but think about it long after the fact and wonder about that person... I used to work at a CPA firm, and some of the managers (these guys are in their 30s) would always let it be known that they smoked pot and they would throw around terms like "hotbox" or that they had "mad munchies" or how they couldn't wait to "toke up" and really wanted to "roll a joint".. and for some reason this bothered me SO much. I absolutely hate it when people kind of brag about their drug habits. It's not cool. It makes you look dumb, insecure, and loser-ish. I don't give a flying fuck if you do cocaine (which, quite a few of them did).

But, who am I to judge? I am the last person who should judge anyone. I've done things that I dare not tell anyone. Do you have secrets like that too? Are there things you won't ever share with your significant other? I always want to know people's dirty secrets :) And I think you do too. Isn't that why we watch shows like Housewives of "fill in city"? The Hills? My life is very simple, uncluttered, and drama free. And I like it that way. But I love to watch those shows, and see what dramas unfold. I like to watch the women talk shit on each other. Priceless entertainment. And, even in the blog and youtube world.. we want to know what's behind the pretty faces. Hence, blogtv. You can ask the personal questions. There seems to be a need to know people's ethnicity. Not sure why... still thinking about that one. But, take Holly for instance. There's an obsession with her ethnicity! Why? Dunno. I mean, does it really matter if someone is Korean, Vietnamese, Irish? What does it do for you, to know this? Will you like them any less? Any more? For me, I like to know what people study in uni, what their career is. And I suppose it's b/c it tells you someone's area of interest.. and if they make money haha. I'll be honest ~ I'm very impressed by the hedge fund world and investment bankers. But I also admire people who have the guts to follow their heart and their dreams, even if it means a low salary.

Anyways, just wanted to share a few things about myself. Hopefully you'll share something with me too :)

1) I am very stingy. My blog name, "kechiko" is Japanese for stingy. For instance, last night I went to Trader Joe's to buy 5 packs of romaine lettuce, at $2 a pack, dressing, croutons, and grated parmesan... rather than pay for a ready made $10 salad in the financial district. I prefer to be frugal awhen it comes to things like grocery shopping and buying makeup, so that I can use my money for other things. For instance, if my mom told me right now she really wanted a designer purse, I wouldn't hesitate to buy it for her. Go figure.

2) I abhor drugs. And talk about drugs. I can't stand it!!!! I hate when people make little jokes on 4/20, about what they'll be doing that evening when they go home. Or when people smell pot, they instantly go, "Do you smell that?" Yes you fucker, of course I know what pot smells like. Whoopdie fucking doo. Who cares. Are you trying to prove how hard you are? How badass you are b/c you smoke pot too? Sorry, but I'm not impressed. I think my anti-drug attitude stems from my own experience with them... I have a "kind" face. I know this b/c all throughout my younger years, people would tell me I look so nice, and so innocent. Which bugged. Like crazy. So I rebelled. I did some naughty things (and V was right there with me some of the time...). And it scares me to think... I used to want to live in that euphoric trance forever, to get stuck in that world (and I'm not talking about pot.) But, I will say I got that out of my system and I'm glad for that. College antics seemed so juvenile after that.

3) I'm finally at the stage where I'm ok being me. Not to say I don't have insecurities, but things that might've embarrassed me in the past just don't anymore. I used to be so concerned by what others thought, how I might appear to them if I didn't talk a certain way.. conduct myself a certain way... Like I used to worry about appearing too book-ish, or too something. But now I don't :) In fact, I wish I were more intellectual if anything else! I totally admire brains, and geeks, and intelligence. And I hate people who shy away from that (*ahem* FOBS *ahem*) Trust me, to all you folks who think it's cool to not read books and to squat and smoke outside a club.... take a good hard look at yourself and where you are in 20 years... yea just sayin. Anyways there's a line, in this Utada song "About Me" from her U.S. album Exodus that I loooove (and it's also my favorite song ever) at 2:40 ~ "is it ok if I'm not cute and naive". And that line always used to get to me. Haha I used to want to be cute and naive! Hahahaha. Funny huh? I used to envy those naive girls in school who seemed not to have a clue about stuff.. and I thought to myself, "ignorance is bliss". And, I am so far from being that girl. Sometimes I feel so aware, almost too much so. Oh geez I forgot where I was going with all this.... so I'll end it now.

Does anyone relate to any of the above? Would love to hear your thoughts :)

And HAHA! I was jk about no pics... I know girls like eye candy... not sure about why on that one too... but we all do :)

Since I have no laptop, I dug through my phone for these:

1) (some of ya'll saw this on twitter last night!) My proudest achievement from blogging ~ learning the "skinny angle". I got that shit on lock yo! Haha jk.. you know I don't talk like that :p Just bend forward, hold the cam angled down from above eye level, and *snap* away! Tip ~ try not to get your camera hand/arm in the pic.. cuz it'll look ginormous and weird.

2) I miss my black hair

3) I admit.. I used to spray tan :o Call me an oompa loompa and I kill you!!
Bye bye lovely ladies, and have a WONDERFUL super duper weekend!!!


  1. Skinny angle!? WOMAN you are TINY! If you got any thinner you'd disappear through a crack in the floor LOL

  2. I could not agree more!! especially the drugs...I HATEEE when people think its cool and/or are proud doing so.
    I cant effin stand it! Even more when ppl do it infront of me...
    also agree, intelligence is HOT! thats just how it is! If I talk to someone who has an IQ of 2, (but it takes 3 to grunt) I get bored...
    Skinny angle ha....not like u need it =)
    stay gorgeous!!

  3. ^Carla - HAH good thing I didn't have coffee in my mouth I would have snorted it out laughing!! "3 to grunt" LMAO!!

  4. I know what you mean- I've made mistakes out of rebellion, immaturity, and sometimes, just really not knowing any better or thinking about what I was doing. I think as you get older, you realize who you are as an individual, not as someone that has to fit a specific group or stereotype.

    It hurts me to hear people brag about doing those same things now, as adults, like it makes them cooler? Some people's priorities never evolve as they grow up I guess. By the time they try to branch out and be themselves, a lot of their life will have already passed them by :(

    Hope you're having a good day Sophia!

  5. I totally don't have time during work today to comment on this post in a way that it deserves, but I just wanted to say that so many things in your post are right on.

    Oh, and that I love you <3. I just had to say that RIGHT NOW! ;) (For serious though, I can't believe the crazy shit we used to do and the surprisingly functional adults those silly girls grew up into).

  6. ^Ashley ~ thaaaank you I'm having a good day so far! Sun is shining (hehe I'm stuck in a windowless office.. but comforts me to know it's beautiful outside!) and the weekend is just around the corner :)

    V ~ ♥♥♥ forever :)

  7. i really enjoy reading this post! I can relate so much to it especially the drug parts.. and i've also been able to just be myself - something that i've never been able to do until recently. Thanks for sharing :D

  8. ^Edwina! I enjoy reading your comment :) Yes it seems becoming comfortable in our own skin is something that will only come with age.

  9. sophia! ohhhh no you posted our oompa loompa pictures!!! hahahah

  10. i am really glad you wrote this post. sometimes i feel like a froofy fakester on my blog. i feel like i should be nice when in fact, through lots of crap that has happened, i think inside i have really become hardened. i'm really not that cheery all the time in real life. i bitch, i complain, i throw fits and get stressed. i know no one wants to see that when it's all their lives too, but that's truth. it's ugly.

    i was really innocent during high school. didn't know that half the vals and sals drank their selves dizzy. didn't know band room bathroom was the druggie hub. didn't know all of that. then i finally opened my eyes during college. i partied really hard at the beginning and then wanted to slap myself silly for it. then i got a hold of myself and moved on. i didn't do drugs - why would i do something that can irreversibly damage my brain? really? what's cool about that?

    yes, i am still innocent and naive but i'm not as ignorant. i mean i knew about sex ed stuff since i was 8. i read too many science books that it didn't even matter when people were figuring that stuff out in junior high.

    i think to cover up my inner dilemmas and how much i don't like myself, i put on a happy mask for the outside world and it fooled everyone. i no longer felt embarrassed or cared what people though, i just went through the motions. i think people prefer me to go back to that but i can't just put on the blinds again, you know? once you see what's really going on the world you can't just close your eyes and ignore it.

    i'm really glad you're you. honest. mature. accepting. even if i don't know a lot about you still, i am SO glad i got to know you at least a little :)

  11. Tan Bella sent me a promo thing the other day and I thought about going...after seeing this pic I think I will pass. lol

  12. ^Angie ~ thanks for sharing!! Dude, I didn't know people drank in high school too!! I didn't drink until college! I was late to that game hahaha.. I am so glad that YOU are who you are! Yay for blog :)

    ^Ping ~ LOL. Yes Tan Bella no more.... but we are paaaale :(

  13. LOL...I am still laughing at this post. I LOVED LOVED it! Did you dye your hair?? I want to see a full picture!!

    I am frugal too and do the exact same thing with my salads! I think it tastes better than the pre-packaged stuff anyway!

    And skinny angle- any skinnier- you would disappear woman! :) LOL

  14. I grew up in the xanga phase where everybody had one, and used to lurk and read about the lives of people I barely knew, so I definitely have felt a little voyeuristic myself :P It amazes me sometimes how open and honest people can be online... and I appreciate the courage it takes to to open yourself up like that.

    Oh and drugs are dangerous and ppl who take them are stupid... and ppl who brag about taking them are even more retarded. I see what happens to end-stage drug addicts and it is NOT a pretty sight. I had one patient who was a serious meth addict, jumped off a balcony when he was high and broke his back and became a paraplegic (he's still in his early 20s)... has to manually catheterize himself to urinate and manually disimpact himself to defecate... yet he apparently never learned because he was still smoking heroin in his hospital room and gave himself a heart attack.

  15. i could relate to paragraph of being yourself and not caring about how people judge you. i'm currently in this phase. i think its more of because that i'm just too lazy to transform myself into what everyone thinks i should be. its tiring. so, i'm quite happy with my life without needing to fake apparent "perfection". thanks for reminding me again that i'm .... well... ME.

  16. We all have our rebellious years.

  17. ^Really Petite ~ yes I did dye my hair! Yea homemade salads are great, and you can customize them exactly the way you like!

    PetiteXXS~ that's the 3rd time so far I've heard xanga.. how come I never knew what it was?? Haha. And YES I've heard many a horror story.. that one you told sounds so similar to many others I've heard, sadly... my sister worked at the hospital in Inglewood and Long Beach.. so she saw lots of trauma victims... not pretty but excellent places to learn!

    ^Cindy ~ haha no problem. Life's to short to waste any of it trying to please anyone else but yourself!

  18. I love how you said the skinny angle! i do it all the time!!! and kudos for this post, you rock girl!

  19. Hi Sophia,

    I harbor the same feelings about any kind of bragging drug use. It's totally lame, not hardcore and says a lot about a person without saying anything at all.

    I do admire brains, nerd humor and just very intelligent people in general over people who brag about working at a clothing store and thinking they're bigger than you. LOL I've encountered quite some people like that. They are in another universe to me.

    Hedge funds, smedge funds.. =p I totally admire those investment bankers as well! My dream was to become a journalist for as long as I can remember. After college, I worked as an editor for and realized that I hate boundaries when it comes to writing. The idea of following a set of rules all the time made me angry even though all those things published on the site sound quirky and fun :p (sorry for the rambling!)

    I am also a very frugal person. Be proud that you are since you can buy your mom her fave designer bag in a heartbeat! :) I ALWAYS go to trader joe's for the salads and things. I never once buy a $10 prepackaged salad in the financial district (I also work in financial district but in San Jose). It's crazy expensive and never has tasty as the ones you create! :)

    Hmm, what else..I admire you! I guess I do like big juicy things that happen to ppl :p I used to watch the Hills when Lauren was on the show and I thank the stars that I am not caught up in any drama even remotely close to theirs. I don't think I'll have any friends left if I were going at their rate of dramage! LOL :p

  20. Yes, yes, I most definitely love living vicariously through others' experiences via their blogs! I think that's what makes it so enjoyable & what keeps us coming back to read more and more and more!! ;P

    My family really sheltered me when I was younger. I mean, I listened to Disney music until I was in 6th grade and discovered Britney Spears, N'Sync, and Backstreet Boys!! haha not to mention the wonders of radio back then! 6th grade was my first official introduction to REAL non-Disney music that all my peers listened pop, rock, and hip hop. (LOL you must think I'm lame now haha) Oh, and another thing was that I had to cover my eyes whenever there were kissing scenes in movies & freaking cartoons until I was in high school! haha it was so weird when I was finally able to look during a kissing scene and later sex scenes! I was like...whoa. haha yes my mommy & sister wanted to keep me innocent. I knew about sex ed from school & thought it was gross. I'm such a prude. When I found out where babies REALLY come from (in 6th grade intro to sex. ed) i was like...ew! I prefer to think that babies were delivered by storks! lol

    I think being frugal is a good thing! I'm always like you when it comes to grocery shopping & food too. But I can't help indulging & eating out every now and then. I've really cut back on eating out since I've moved home bc I am unemployed right now. :( I'm trying to be more resourceful and smart when it comes to shopping & spending money right now bc I have no job. I should start mom is starting to nag and keeps telling me I need to job search and start working already. =/ I'm starting to feel the pressure! AHH! :( But it's true, I need to save money & def. need a job soon bc I need to get a car. And you know what that means...saving money for car payments, stupid auto insurance, and bills! OH, woe is me! How sucky it is to be a *REAL* grown adult! haha xD

    You are so skinny & petite already! I'm jealous! You don't need that skinny angle! lol you're so funny<3

    ♥ caroline


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